Keeping Romance Alive

Back in September 2005, when Dennis Morand was wracking his brain for a 25th wedding anniversary gift for his wife, Amy, he considered candy and flowers, then bought ...

A 16-month calendar.

In the square representing Sept 27, 2005 - the Westwood couple's anniversary - he wrote, "I love you."

Then Dennis, 49, inked those same words in every space for the remaining days of 2005 and all of 2006.

Amy, also 49, loved it.

"I will keep this calendar forever," she says, "to remind me that he truly loves me each and every day."

Ain't romance grand?

It can be simple or complicated. It can mean different things to different people. But experts and everyday folks alike agree that couples who have been together for a considerable length of time - ever heard of the seven-year itch? - must find ways to keep romance alive.

"True romance is day-to-day acts of love and kindness that happen for no apparent reason other than the fact that we love and care for someone dearly," says Loveland-based relationships expert David Coleman, known as the Dating Doctor.

Bill Rice gets it. He's no relationship guru, just a 75-year-old guy from Erlanger who's been married to the same woman for 50 years. He calls romance "an essential ingredient in a marriage."

His wife, Julie, 77, has endured a number of surgeries and physical problems.

"Gifts are nice and sweet, and I appreciate all of them," she says. "But just the loving attention I have received (from Bill) through my many difficulties has been overwhelming," Julie says.

For Amy Morand, "loving attention" sometimes means having orange juice.

During the couple's first year of marriage, Dennis made an off-the-cuff promise that he would try to have the drink for her every day.

Twenty-six years later, Amy still gets her OJ.

She likes being surprised, too. Dennis has been known to slip a love note into her luggage when she's away, or even put his thoughts into poetry.

"I'm not saying (an expensive gift) wouldn't be nice, but it's not the ultimate expression of romance, in my opinion," says Amy, a mother of two who works part time as a data collector.

"Romance is the more personal touch," says Dennis, a computer programmer, "the things that let your spouse know you hear her.

"Sure, I'd love to be able to do grand gestures - flowers every week and romantic getaways. But we also live in the real world where we have budgets."

...one of the most romantic things one spouse can offer another is the gift of time.

"I often hear people moan and groan about getting out and doing something together," Coleman says, "but once out and laughing and sharing, they couldn't be happier that they did."

Patrina and Maurice Hughes have been married 15 years. He's a computer programmer who travels often during the week. She's an office administrator. The Liberty Township couple have no children.

"We still have date night," Patrina says.

But their vision of romance goes deeper. Patrina says it centers on the security she feels in their relationship.

"If I feel secure, then romance is not a problem. The marriage has to be strong enough (for me to) feel secure when he's gone."

A sense of security is something people in long-term relationships feel when they are emotionally connected, says Harville Hendrix, author of "Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" (Owl Books, $15).

"It's the emotional connection," he says, "that restores romantic passion."

In order for couples to connect emotionally, he says they must:

Amplify their appreciation for each other. It can be as simple as remarking, "There's my guy! (or gal)" when a spouse enters the room.

Eliminate negativity. That is, stop the blame and criticism.

Learn to communicate effectively, that is, "to talk in such a way that your partner will listen, and listen in such a way that you and your partner will talk." In practical terms, that means taking an active interest in what your spouse says, repeating what was said ("Let me see if I understand you"), and validating - even if not agreeing with - your spouse's statements.

Maurice Hughes knows Patrina likes a clean house. So when he makes a mess, he cleans up.

"Those things are not necessarily romantic," he says, "but they're steps that lead to romance, and they break down some of the frustrations that can cause a relationship to never get to the point of romance.

"You only know those things when you communicate."

So, fellas, here's a little conversation starter that some wives might find romantic: Honey, what can I do to help around the house?

"A woman would be in a more romantic mood if she were to come home and see the dishes done, rather than (a box of) candy on the counter," says Dorianne Beagle, 36, of Florence. "Most men don't realize that that is romance."

Beagle didn't believe it herself until hearing it over and over again from women she meets in her role as an independent distributor for Slumber Parties, which sells products to help enhance romance.

That's not to say traditional gestures such as roses aren't appreciated.

"When he surprises me by dropping by my work with flowers or a gift, that's always fun," Patrina Hughes says.

And Dennis Morand won't forget the Friday that Amy stopped by his office. She'd arranged an overnight baby-sitter for their girls, and had booked the couple a hotel room downtown.

"That kind of blew me away," he says.

Romantically challenged spouses can always get help.

......

http://news.cincinnati.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070806/LIFE/108060002/1035


Tips on Keeping Your Romance Alive

Write "I Love You" on the bathroom mirror with a piece of soap.

Fill her car with balloons

Send a card-a-day for a week - or a month.

Leave unexpected love notes on the refrigerator.

Go dancing. This is one of the first things to go once a couple "settles down" and gets married. Yet, it's one of the most fun activities you can share, if both of you enjoy dancing.

Give flowers that match his/her eyes.

The Treasure Hunt - Send your mate on a treasure hunt for a present. Leave stick-on notes on refrigerators, mirrors, or doors leading to the present. Have one last note wrapped inside the present leading straight to you.

Watch the sun rise - or set - together.

Breakfast ... or dinner, in bed.

Frame a favorite poem.

Take an art class together.

Go on a mystery date. Make all the arrangements. Then whisk him/her away for an unexpected day or two.

http://www.robbinsbros.com/anniversary-gifts/keeping-romance-alive.asp

Or is it so difficult to have any of these done for me?