It’s easy to fall in love, but it’s a lot harder to sustain love. Here are ten secrets to having a happier marriage. Trust me and try them out. They really do work!
1) Maintain a work life balance
If you are addicted to your job, then you will most likely lose everything that is of value to you just like a drug addict. Without balance you could lose your family, lose perspective at work, do a bad job and ultimately lose your job, your spouse, or both!
Take the necessary time to invest in the things that really matter in your life so that everything else will come into balance. We’re not saying to slack off at work and spend all your time with your family, but you do need to find a balance between the two. Coming home every night after your kids have gone to bed and leaving for the office as they wake up, spells doom.
2) Spouse before kids
Remember that popular rhyme we use to chant in primary school, “Jane and Joe sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, and then comes marriage. Then you get a baby in a carriage.” How apt! Contrary to popular belief, in order to raise secure and happy kids, you need to put your marriage first and your babies second! A strong and loving relationship will help kids be more grounded and secure, as they notice the bond and happiness between their parents.
Children will also learn virtues like patience, kindness, love, and forgiveness by seeing the way parents treat each other. By putting your kids first, you are raising a child who is the center of the family, who will believe his/her needs are more important than anyone else’s. Such kids could easily grow up to be demanding and self-centered.
3) Agree on core parenting principles to avoid conflicts
Most parenting disagreements are about raising children, especially in the context of how and when to discipline kids. In order to present a united front as you discipline your kids, it’s important to discuss your parenting plan in advance. This way your children will not be able to play one parent against another.
4) Fighting is fine. Hating is not!
There is nothing wrong with being mad with your spouse after a heated argument. There is even nothing wrong with strongly disliking them at that moment. However, there is something wrong with harboring those ill feelings to the point of harming your relationship. Following those times of disagreement, help yourself to calm down by reminding yourself of what you love about him/her or why you married your spouse in the first place, and you’ll be surprised at how easily those loving feelings return.
5) Have sex!
A sexless marriage may not necessarily end up in divorce, but it is a marriage with serious issues and might lead to affairs. There are many feelings that occur in a sexless marriage such as feelings of loneliness, lack of confidence and others. While challenging to overcome, it is not insurmountable.
Mums, men are visual creatures, so spend time on your appearance and find ways to seduce your husband. From experience, seducing your man in sexy lingerie as you whisper flattering and suggestive words will heat things up quickly! Dads, exhaustion and sex do not mix. Consider helping with the laundry, buying dinner, and follow it up with a foot rub.
6) Talk for ten minutes everyday
Do you remember when you used to just talk? Most couples don’t talk anymore — unless they have something to communicate, a decision to make, or a task to complete. The most important thing about talking to each other is not communicating; it’s connecting. So take a vow to talk to each other for at least ten minutes everyday.
7) Discuss your finances and spending habits
Statistics indicate that nearly half of all married couples argue over money issues. This speaks loudly of the major reason most couples fight. If one is a tight-wad and the other spends money like it’s going out of fashion, it can’t help but create problems in your marriage. Therefore, talk honestly about spending habits. It’s important to establish spending expectations, set goals and decide on a financial plan for your family.
You don’t need to be right all the time!
Drop the ego. You don’t always have to be right, or your partner wrong. Such behaviour will only impede the opportunity for your conversation to have a win-win result. In the long run, does it really matter who is right? Or is it more important to create an environment where the opinions and beliefs of both spouses are of value?
9) It’s all in the mind
If you expect to get along with your spouse then you will succeed in most instances. Talking respectfully and looking for creative solutions to the problems you face will go a long way in creating a strong and enduring marriage. If you expect to have a ugly showdown, then it will happen. If you expect to resolve a disagreement with mutual respect and love, you will do so as a well balanced couple.
10) Changing the world starts from you!
Perhaps the most important secret to a great marriage is the idea that you can never change your partner, no matter how hard you try. If you spend the same amount of energy simply improving yourself, rather than trying to change your partner, you’ll find that you’ll be happier and that your partner will start responding to you more positively.
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