The one with the melancholy

"And a friend will not say never, cause the welcome will not end..."

Who's judging? I don't believe I have the right to judge, for I myself am not that perfect, not even near perfect...

Haven't I been doing that (been a listening ear) for my friends? Anyway, as of late, since the many happenings and events, I have been feeling that I have not been a good enough friend to some... They didn't come to me. I had to hear it from someone else or read about it. Even from when it started happening, I read about it first. I held my tongue coz it wasn't my place to speak and I didn't want to go where I was not welcomed. Maybe she was afraid of my reaction? That's what another friend told me, coz I cared too much about this particular person, and I am very protective somehow. Even until now, when I am supposed to offer my support or comfort, I hold back. How am I supposed to enter if I am not welcomed? From what I read, she seemed fine, not good, but fine. At least, she has made other good friends, and maybe doesn't require the old ones yah. Well, one of the few things that's been making me feel that way. But anyhow if it doesn't make much of a difference to the others, then maybe I should stop feeling that way, you can't do much where you're not needed.

I believe one should always reflect back upon one's actions, past and present. I asked myself, was I never there when my friends needed me? Is that why it is the way it is now? Or do I keep saying the wrong things or reacting the wrong way? Or do I do things that's irksome to others? Or am I too busy with my life that I put them aside? .............but whenever people really needed me to listen, I was there. Whenever people needed me to be strong, I was there. Wasn't I?

On the other hand, I realised that some particular friend is taking me for granted. You can't ask me to do things that are your responsibilities in the first place, right? Favours and help are fine but certain responsibilities are yours to fulfil, and even so, the least you can do is ask, not assume, and if I am able, I would usually oblige. Even when somehow, I know that I wouldn't get the same from you should I go to you for help.

So why do you think badly of me when I didn't even do anything? Haven't I been there? Haven't I been helping you whenever I could when you asked? Here I am trying to pick up on my life, having settled the one big problem that was affecting me so badly, and now another big issue has popped up.

Arggghh, maybe I just think too much and feeling melancholic due to the hormones. Now, I need GG to comfort me. And then he will say, why I go and bother so much about other people... Sigh. I am sure after I put this up, and I re-read it some other day, I will think I sound like those crappy person who whines about everything. It's too early to call GG to whine.